Thoughts on the friendship at the heart of Elena Ferrante's "My Brilliant Friend"

"You are my brilliant friend, and you have to be the BEST, of all the boys and the girls."

Why does Lila *choose* Lenu - and I mean Lenu specifically, and not another friend from the rione? Lila needed Lenu just as much as Lenu needed Lila. I don't know if she can see why Lila needed her, I don't know if she appreciates the qualities within herself that made Lila grab her hand before they confronted Don Achille and start on their quest to transform the pain harbored in the heart of the rione's women into poetry through the written word. (I believe that pain in Melina's howl is something made manifest in those frightening bugs we see crawling into the mouths of the mothers at the v beginning of the story.) Lila very deliberately chooses Lenu as her partner in fulfilling this mandate. I think most would have ended the friendship with Lila from the moment she threw the doll down into the cellar - I know I would have

! But Lenu doesn't, and perhaps that's the *first* thing that Lila sees in her, the first test Lenu passed - that component in Lenu's personality that's willing to keep toe to toe w Lila rather than strike out... to whatever end? Well, Lila has a very specific end in mind, and for that objective to be reached, Lenu is ideal. First, what I admire most in Lenu is her *discipline of mind*. If I'm passionate about a topic, I could study it all hours, research it to my heart's delight, to the point of neglecting all things around me. But as a student, if I was in a class covering a subject that failed to capture my mind, I couldn't apply myself, no matter how hard I tried to fabricate an interest. I always admired the students who, despite a lack of curiosity or passion for a topic, were able to still excel, due simply to their diligence and discipline. I remember thinking that was a sort of intelligence in itself and it's not easy to come by. Lenu reminds me of this. She doesn't love studying Latin or Greek, two difficult subject areas, but she focuses, she applies herself, and eventually she excels. Then, she learns to manipulate language as a lawyer does, something Lila backhandedly compliments her on in the wedding dress scene, which is a critical moment in the book and TV show. There's a reason Lila grabbed Lenu's hand right before confronting Don Achille. I do believe Lenu is a stand-in for Ferrante. And this is why Lila grasps her hand to confront Achille, because that's what she sees in Lenu, and what is confirmed in the walking to the beach scene. Lenu is going to make a way out, Lila cannot or does not want to (that's a whole other post). *You are my brilliant friend, and you have to be the BEST, of all the boys and the girls.*

Other than her incredible discipline is something else that doesn't sound so nice - her selfishness. Lila knows Lenu *must* be selfish to get out of the rione, and as much is expected of Lenu as there is of Lila, but in a different way. Her selfishness is in the service of a larger idea - it's a paradox. And she does pay a price for her self-centeredness. I think this touches on Ferrante's preoccupation and conflicted depictions of motherhood - how much it demands of a woman when they have public aspirations, particularly creative pursuits that may be deemed otherwise frivolous, like writing - especially at that time.

There is another character who spots this quality of self-absorption in Lenu early on, but repeatedly and explicitly calls her out on it. Her mom. But in a sense, and this has long been argued, don't all artists need to be, to a certain extent, selfish?